Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and realize you’ve been living the same day over and over and over again, and you’ll only be able to get time going forward again if you learn to play the piano, help save a dying old man, learn to be nice to people, and win the heart of your sassy TV producer boss by drinking to world peace. LET’S GO!
TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY: KATE GOSSELIN – 10:00PM (E!) It’s the remarkable true Hollywood story of a woman who lives in Pennsylvania and doesn’t act. Only in Los Angeles, people! Anyway, I’m sure this special will uncover all new information about America’s least favorite mom, like that she got her hair changed, and that she got divorced, and that she isn’t a very nice person. Oh, wait. We knew all that. Well, it never hurts to go through a refresher course. ANTICIPATION: EYELIFT!
TOP CHEF: ALL STARS – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal Network) After inexplicably being in reruns last week, we get a new episode this week featuring guest diners Isaac Mizrahi and Lorraine Bracco. Of course! Because when you think of fine cuisine, you think of those two. Anyway, Bracco will be part of some kind of Italian challenge, so expect any number of lame mafia jokes and “Godfather” references. Hey, fuhgeddaboutit! Are you lookin’ at me! Leave the cannolis! It’s-a me, Mario! ANTICIPATION: PASTA!
BIGFOOT: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE – 9:00PM (History Channel) Oh, thank goodness it’s definitive. All my life I’ve had to deal with guide to Bigfoot that are unauthorized and clearly lacking in concrete FACTS. And now, finally, we’ll find out the truth: that he lives in Arkansas and he doesn’t like it when you mess around with him by taunting him with beef jerky. Also, he can’t read. ANTICIPATION: SASQUATCH!
DUKE AT MARYLAND – 9:00PM (ESPN) Football season ends on Sunday, so you’d best start the transition over to basketball tonight with this matchup between bitter ACC foes. The best part is when the Maryland fans start openly cursing at the Duke players. I love profane chanting of any kind. ANTICIPATION: RANCOR!
SONS OF GUNS – 9:00PM (Discovery Channel) Will must overcome his fear of fire to help restore an antique flamethrower. Well now, if there were ever a reason to get over your pyrophobia, that right there is it. Flamethrowers are never not awesome. ANTICIPATION: I WOULD TAKE A FLAMETHROWAH TO THIS PLACE!