We’re This Close To Being Finished With Carrie Prejean

Annoying beauty queen may head for the oblivion of porn

By DREW MAGARY

Updated 4:30 PM EDT, Thu, Nov 19, 2009

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There are many pseudo-celebrities out there I’d love to see fall down a crevasse and find themselves, once for all, out of the stream of the American consciousness.

Spencer Pratt. Joe the Plumber. Naked Cowboy. Any Kardashian sister not named Kim. And yet, these people, through their sheer force of will, often manage to stay in the spotlight far longer than their more talented counterparts. They’re like herpes. They stay with you forever.

It’s so rare to see an untalented celebrity have the courtesy of going away forever. Like the culture guy from “Queer Eye From The Straight Guy”. He was awful. But he’s gone now! Why can’t the rest of them follow suit? Well, I think we may be close with one of them. Yes, it’s just about time for Carrie Prejean to be sucked into a black hole and ejected into the opposite side of the universe, far away from our collective eyesight. And not a moment too soon!

Not only is Carrie Prejean an annoying pseudo-celebrity, but she somehow manages to draw OTHER annoying pseudo-celebrities into her magnetic field. Perez Hilton, Sean Hannity, and, of course, Donald Trump, who told the New York Post that Prejean should consider a serious entry into the porn business.

Trump told one source. "Maybe," Mr. Trump said only half-jokingly, "she should become a major porn star, make millions of dollars, and give it to worthy causes."

If by “millions of dollars,” he means the standard porn industry rate of $500 a film, then yes, I think his career trajectory for her is accurate. Anyway, the recent discovery of Prejean’s nude videos have all but discredited her as a heroine for conservative causes. And her breathtaking stupidity all but disqualifies her from any other sort of vocational work.

Legit porn, really, is her only avenue left. She’s already done accidental porn already. You don’t get to leak a SECOND batch of onanistic porn vids. Once Prejean decides to sign with Vivid Video (I suggest she dress up as Sister Helen Prejean and the film be titled “Horny Man Walking”), no major news outlet (including this one) will ever acknowledge her existence again, and we’ll all be better off.

One down. So many more to go.