Future is reflecting on his past in Rolling Stone.
In the magazine's July 14-28 issue (on newsstands Friday), the rapper delves into his split with singer Ciara. The musicians announced their engagement in October 2013, and days later, Ciara revealed she was also pregnant. Their son, Future Jr., arrived in 2014.
What should have been the happiest time of their lives became one of the most difficult. Three months later, rumors swirled that Future had cheated on Ciara, which caused them to split. As if that weren't enough drama to deal with, Future's album, "Honest," underperformed.
"I was scared as s--t," the 32-year-old says. "I was one step away from being married, and I feel like I failed publicly in relationships. Then you want to go back to doing music, to what you know," he said. "And if the people didn't accept you again, the one thing you feel like you can fall back on, it walked away from you. You feel like it's over."
Future and Ciara were also often at odds, according to the rapper's inner circle.
"He was with an R&B chick, you know what I'm saying?" Mike WiLL Made-It tells Rolling Stone. "Ciara, she didn't even really like when people cursed."
"She was bougie as hell," one of Future's unnamed friends added.
Things didn't improve after the couple split. For example, in January, Future tweeted, "This b--ch got control problems" and "I gotta go through lawyers to see babyfuture...the f--kery for 15k a month." Ciara sued him for libel; the case is ongoing.
The exes are also engaged in a custody battle over their son, now 2 years old.
"I can't deal with it. I can't even think about it," he says. "I never imagined my life would be like that: 'I'm going to sue you and take away from you.' I don't know how to deal with something like that," Future says. "All I know is record, record, record, record."
A source close to Ciara accused Future of wanting her to fail — allegations he denies.
"I would never wish that. Her being successful, her being happy, helps me. I'm attached to you. If you're happy, I'm happy. You're connected for life," Future explains. "I don't want you to go through this s--t and for it to come back on my son, my kid. I want you to be in the best situation."
And yet, in March, the pair's drama intensified when Future publicly objected to a photo of Ciara's then-boyfriend, Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson, pushing Future Jr. in a stroller. The singer and NFL player are now engaged. Why make such a fuss?
"It's something that'll take more time for me. It ain't even about [him] playing daddy. I don't even want to think about it," Future says. "That's my son forever. My son is going to be able to read this. He's going to be able to look at those pictures. He's going to be able to have a judgment for himself, and have a conversation with me man-to-man. That's my blood. He is me. I am him. We is one."
And while Ciara is busy planning her wedding to Wilson, Future is busy enjoying the single life. Chatting with Mike WiLL Made-It in the studio one day, he explains why Miami is essentially a bachelor's playground.
"It's plentiful, man. It's everything you want. They breed wifeys down there! That's where everyone comes to--baseball players, football players. It's a bidding war down there," he says. "In Miami, they all 21, 22. By the time they get to 23, they gone. They raising them. They young. Fresh. Partying till 6 in the morning. They're doing that s--t every night." Women in California, by contrast, are more laid-back. "You spend money just on weed. A chick can come to the house and smoke and be cool," he explains. "They know how to kick it."
Future's future plans include a trip to Jamaica in June.
"We have to create our vibe and let other people deal with the real world, while we create our world. Get a girl to bring her friend, get another girl to bring her friend, and it's gonna be a movie," Future says of his Jamaican trip. "We're having naked parties, for real. Every moment, I'm making moments."