At Least We Aren't Cleveland: Schadenfreude for the Fins Fan
Or how we learned to stop worrying and love the Browns for being even worse.
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Even a sacked Chad Pennington is still able to look down on other NFL teams.
Two days later, and Monday night's loss still stings.
The second guessing aches.
If only Dan Henning made a different call on that 3rd-and-6 in the 4th...If only Ted Ginn was who Randy Mueller thought he was (and relatedly, if only Randy Mueller wasn't an idiot)...If only Serena Williams' gigantic ass had craved Double Stuffed Oreos and she'd eaten Peyton Manning whole before the coin toss.
(Kidding, honey. You're perfect. Don't hurt us.)
Since none of those things happened, Dolphins fans must face the reality that this team, despite high expectations set by a freakish rebound season and a division title last year, is a team in just the second season of a massive overhaul. And patience, it seems, is not to be much fun.
But here's the good news: there's a quick feel-better patch, and it's realizing that other teams suck, too. And some suck even worse! When Jerry Jones invented football ("The World According to Jerry Jones," p. 1-499), God invented schadenfreude because of Jerry Jones and Tony Romo. So we've got that going for us, which is nice.
Take, for example, Cleveland, who lack what Miami has firmly established: an identity on offense (even the kind without a go-to receiver). The Pansy Brady Quinn may not last in the starter's spot, but it's Derek Anderson, not Chad Henne, who waits in the wings to be equally lackluster.
Miami may be 0-2, but we're not that kind of 0-2.
Then there's the winless Bucs, who were traded off and run into the ground by an angry ginger midget and now led by a guy who, just 3 years earlier, was an assistant defensive backs coach at Kansas State. Poor Raheem Morris. In our best David Caruso voice, we observe it looks like the '80s really are back.
The hapless Rams were blanked by the Seahawks in week 1, and then lost to Washington's kicker on Sunday in spite of actually scoring a real touchdown of 2 whole yards. (Those Redskins, by the way, may be 1-1, but they were booed lustily by their own fans in a win. No small feat.)
As for the Jags, here's a TwitPic of the crowd at their home opener, and here's an article about how long it'll be until that little failed experiment is moved to L.A. Like the Rams, they feature a flimsy o-line, a veteran quarterback trying to find his footing (does not bode well), and a big fat zero in the W column.
Kansas City's two losses find them on the verge of a QB controversy and unable to run the ball. So the Dolphins are 2 up on the Chiefs; 3 if you count "being in Kansas City," which everyone does.
Also 0-2? The Titans and Panthers, who actually might not be as bad as that looks but are still found cringe-worthy, and the Lions, who should beg for death.
Lesson: we're not alone. Rebuilding takes time, patience, and at least another draft or two. And if that should fail, we'll always have Cleveland, and a refrain of "nya nya nya nya nya."
Like a spoonful of sugar.
Copyright NBC Owned Television Stations
Posted Wednesday, Sep 23, 2009 - 4:10 PM EST
