Ding! Dong! Cohen's All But Gone
No, it isn't Water Bottle Guy, though he'd be better than Alan Cohen, too.
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Funny -- this was our exact reaction, too.
It's the dawn of a new era for the Florida Panthers -- or would be, if former owner Alan Cohen hadn't run the whole shebang into the ground and ruined interest to the point such words sound ridiculous.
Cohen will actually retain a sizable stake in the club, but management and majority shares have been assumed by former minority owners Cliff Viner and Stu Siegel. The ambiguously brave duo will work in partnership. (What could go wrong?)
Viner, 61, is senior partner and co-founder of AVM Properties, a West Palm Beach financial company. Siegel, 46, founded and sold a real estate tech company, ENeighborhoods, and plans to focus all his energy on his shiny new toy as CEO/NHL Governor. Both live in Boca Raton, and are rabid hockey fans. (Siegel played for the University of Pennsylvania, and grew up pretending he was Dennis Potvin. Ha!)
"Stu and I are very passionate owners," said Viner, who will serve as the team's chairman and alternate governor. "We want to win, we want to win badly and we want to win as soon as possible."
Their first act might run counter to that -- General Manager Randy Sexton now reports to COO Michael Yormark, though Siegel and Viner say everyone will be under constant evaluation.
"We are going to make people accountable to winning. Period." declared Viner. "Stability is an important asset, but it's also important that everyone in the organization be constantly evaluated for their performance and be accountable to our expectations. If they don't meet that, then we should probably make changes."
Alrighty, then! Sounds bloody. The question is, will it work? The Panthers famously haven't seen the playoffs in 8 seasons, one of the worst streaks in hockey.
The answer comes automatically: yes, to an extent at least, because neither one of them is Alan Cohen. A scientific study found that any of the following could have managed the Panthers better than Cohen: a light bulb, sock, that satisfying sound you hear when opening Tupperware, Joan Rivers, a cheese rind, the word "vocabulary," magic, unicorns, Ashlee Simpson, and a dust bunny.
So at least they've got that -- and a defeated fan base primed for failure -- going for them.
Janie Campbell believes in ball park hotdogs and the pro-set, and sends you to Puck Daddy for a great interview with Siegal. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.
Posted Tuesday, Nov 17, 2009 - 8:08 AM EST
