Ex-Dolphins Forced to Ride the Fan Bus
On the plus side, Roy Foster would be more handy than Sandra Bullock if the bus can't drop below 50
miamidolphins.com
All aboard! Now you can pay $75 to trap a former Dolphin in a moving automobile and pester him to your heart's content.
Admittedly, the "forced" in the title up there is a bit dramatic.
But the first thing that came to mind upon reading the announcement that former Dolphins players Roy Foster ('82-'90) and James Pruitt ('86-'88, '90-'91) would be captaining a Dolphins Express full of fans each from Palm Beach and Naples, respectively, was the Sports Illustrated article about how half of all pro athletes are broke.
(The Express, you'll recall, is the bus service birthed when Mike Dee claimed Southwest Florida and the Treasure Coast for the aqua and orange. According to the Dolphins, it will be "picking up momentum and Dol-fans." If that was written post-Atlanta, we're guessing that momentum will fit under the seat in front of you.)
Maybe we're just cynical, or averse to answering the same questions 8,000 times over to people who take some things way, way too seriously (rabid fans: we have met you, and you are terrifying). But what, if not a paycheck, would possess these poor humans to be trapped in a moving vehicle with drunk and -- let's face it -- likely despondant fans all day?
Safety?
"I am excited and honored to be one of the first alumni captains of the Dolphins Express," Foster said. "We will be sure to make it a safe, enjoyable and memorable trip for everyone from the moment we step onto the bus until we arrive at Land Shark Stadium."
Holy moly, it's worse than we originally thought. Not only is Foster going to have to answer questions about Dan Marino all day, but he's going to have to tackle anyone who steps over the line behind the driver.
Let's just hope whoever says "are we there yet?" first survives the trip.
Janie Campbell hopes the two are more generous than hard up, but thinks "James Pruitt, bus enforcer" is pretty badass. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.
Copyright NBC Owned Television Stations
Posted Friday, Sep 18, 2009 - 4:48 PM EST
