Pre-season football: it's not all sweat and torture. Tony Sparano showed his softer side yesterday when he canceled practice and took his hard-working little Dolphins to the movies to see "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" (tagline: "surprisingly not a Mike Dee biopic").
“When you see 66 players sprinting out of the bubble like they were a kid at Christmas," Sparano said, "I think it was pretty good for them.”
It wasn't the first time the bubble belched forth a shrieking, happy brood in the midst of the pre-season. A year ago, Sparano surprised the team with a trip to see “The Express,” a biopic of the first African-American to win the Heisman, Ernie Davis.
“Last year [the choice of films] was a little bit easier, that was a little bit more relative to what we’re trying to do,” Sparano said. “This thing here, I figured there'd just be a lot of things blowing up and all those things. It had a nice-looking woman in it for them, so I think all those things probably helped."
Or, maybe not.
"Jus saw GI-Joe," Sean Smith reported on Twitter. "Umm, top 5 worst movies ever! Its so predictable, and jus horrible...glad I didn't pay for it lol."
Of course, Smith was quick to add he was "hella happy we saw the movie today," but one does wonder: what should the Dolphins have seen? If barrier-breaker Ernie Davis ushered in an expectations-shattering season last year, does a childhood-desecrating G.I. Joe film doom us all to another season longing for the early '80s Dolphins along with early '80s cartoons?
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At least we can be thankful Sparano didn't depress the oft-injured Chad Pennington by taking him to see "The Time-Traveler's Wife," in which a physical condition keeps a man popping in and out of the life he loves only to have frostbite claim his feet and eventually kill him.
Perhaps next year, the Dolphins should take a page from the Williams sisters' playbook and write their own inspiring screenplay. Tony Sparano, the gruff, old-school coach who likes red meat, anger, and elastic waistbands, can be played by Tony Sparano. Chad Henne, the Michigan-bred, unproven backup who must eventually take over the team, will be played by Chad Henne. With any luck, Fred Astaire comes back to life to make Stephen Ross' sing-along seem charming, and the only person who dies in the end is Nick Saban. Playing himself.
Janie Campbell is glad there wasn't a "Brigadoon" revival playing anywhere, lest a viewing indicate the Fins will win another pair of Super Bowls -- but not for 100 years. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.
