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The Great Suppression: Best to Ignore the Heat Right Now

Don't judge a team by its preseason, right? RIGHT?!?!

By JANIE CAMPBELL

Updated 4:12 PM EDT, Thu, Oct 8, 2009

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The Heat aren't exactly lighting it up in pre-season play, but 0-2 is no reason to panic.

After all, the Dolphins went undefeated in their preseason, and look how crappy they are now. Preseason means nothing!

Unless it does, in which case hold us tight. Because Dwyane Wade -- DWYANE WADE, YA'LL -- got thanks-but-no-thanks'd by a rookie in Miami's first game against Detroit.

Ouch. Of course, such random embarassments happen from time to time -- like Lebron James getting dunked on by a college kid, and at least Wade's Nike posse didn't try to confiscate this footage. Preseason games are notoriously sloppy, and Wade's been off doing karaoke for charity (it's the voice squeak that makes it art) and dancing to MJ and stuff so, you know, cut ol' MV3 some slack.

It's not like Heat aren't dishing it out, too. Look what happened in Orlando last night:

Oh. Udonis Haslem, you've made "You Got Dunked On!" With pictures and everything!

Everyone knew the Heat were going to have some issues. Pat Riley couldn't go out and pick up any top-tier talent this offseason, so he and Eric Spoelstra are banking on their youngest players and oldest, crumbliest knees to improve by leaps and bounds.

Though that might actually happen, it's not happening right now: the Heat are shooting poorly (35% in two games), slow to start, and injured. (Like Michael Wallace pointed out: when Joel Anthony's got a higher percentage from the field than Beasley, Wade and 'Rio, you're in for a rough night on offense.)

Which is why, until this squad picks up some steam, we're personally going to pretend the preseason isn't happening. The regular season could be frustrating enough, and there's only so much Wade-jection we can watch without sobbing quietly in a fetal position.

Janie Campbell doesn't even know what 2007 Dolphins team -- or 2002 Fiesta Bowl -- you're even talking about. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.