Jimmy Johnson, that steely-eyed, beer-cured, sparkle-witted Lego man that coached the Hurricanes to the 1987 national championship and coached the Dolphins to the point we pretend it never happened, has fulfilled a long-time personal dream and is competing right now on "Survivor: Nicaragua."
You know what this means: everyone else is going to die, and that the clogged arteries the kept Johnson off "Survivor: Africa" are now in pretty good shape. He's going to live forever!
And all of the sudden Michael Irvin looks like a complete pansy for merely competing on "Dancing With the Stars." His 67-year-old former coach has been dropped off in an isolated jungle area near San Juan del Sur and left to fend for himself while competing in immunity challenges and slowly wasting away one cup of rice and rainwater caught in palm leaves, according to the Dallas Morning News.
Filming will take 39 days, giving Johnson plenty of time to get back to his FOX NFL duties before "Survivor" airs on Wednesdays in September on CBS.
So what can we expect from JJ? Only The Greatest Series of Survivor Ever. Johnson is competitive, crafty, able to catch his own food, and clearly comfortable in beachwear. Will he form alliances? Yes, because they don't involve Dan Marino. Will he cry on camera? Well, it will be the furthest he's been from a steakhouse in probably...ever. Will he turn out to have quirky habits like Survivor's famous naked guy? We can only hope.
And he did pretty well in "Survivor: Miami in the Early '80s," so he's got that going for him, too.
Janie Campbell is a Florida native who believes in the pro-set and ballpark hot dogs. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the internet.