Turns out people still wanna talk about this whole LeBron-to-the-Heat thing, for which we can mostly thank LeBron.
Mayer took the stage in Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, for an encore sporting a customized Cavaliers jersey and looking like a creepy, tattooed Anderson Varejao. No big whoop — bands wear the jerseys of local sports teams all the time.
However, his plans for the jersey are pretty hilarious. Quoth the Mayer:
"Our last show of this tour — September 11in Miami — I'm going to come out on stage wearing this [points to jersey] in Miami."
Mayer then mouthed "I promise" four times before speaking into the microphone, which makes this a totally legal and binding contract as everyone knows. No takesies-backsies, John Mayer.
He also promised to use his hands once, too, and we're still waiting on that.
But what's even more "hilarious" than his jersey plan is the fact that Mayer has failed to realize the most important part of the Cleveland-Miami tug-of-war: we aren't the ones who are sore about LeBron.
In other words, wearing a Cleveland jersey in Miami is not at all the same thing as wearing a Miami jersey in Cleveland. After all, we won. Reminding us that the guy who's about to help us win 849 rings used to play for someone else is like trying to inform a man marrying a supermodel that she once exchanged notes with another boy in 7th grade homeroom -- we're not looking at you, Cleveland, though we wish you best of luck as you wonder what might have been and what you did wrong for the rest of your natural life.
Of course, there might be a smattering of boos and a few bras thrown on stage, but both are common when it comes to John Mayer. Just know in advance any projectiles tossed aren't on account of your would-be-needling Cleveland jersey, Mr. Faking Connecticut Native: we're all just warming up for the post-concert traffic wars.
Janie Campbell is a Florida native who believes in the pro-set and ballpark hot dogs. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the internet.