Judge Orders Wade's Wife Cuffed

Siohvaughn Wade will have to post $10,000 bond once the order is carried out.

As promised, the Chicago judge presiding over Dwyane Wade's divorce case ordered his estranged wife be taken into custody by sheriff's deputies when she failed to show at a custody hearing this afternoon.

Siohvaughn Wade will have to post $10,000 bond to be released once the order is carried out. Cook County Circuit Judge Marya Nega had already rescheduled the hearing from this morning when only the Heat star arrived, his former childhood sweetheart MIA.

Clearly angered, Judge Nega expressed displeasure with Siohvaughn Wade's "pattern of behavior" in the increasingly nasty divorce proceedings.

"When things don't go according to Mrs. Wade's way," she said, "all of a sudden the phone's turned off. Maybe it's time for the kids to go live with Dad for a month or two."

The judge also charactered the split as "beginning to spiral out of control," meaning Her Honor is a bit late to the party. This divorce spiralled out of control a long, long time ago. Right about the time it was filed.

Since Siohvaughn Wade initiated the split in January 2009, there've been allegations of adultery, abandonment of the couple's two sons, wacky religious practices, and charges that Wade had infected his wife with a sexually transmitted disease. She demanded the names of all his sexual partners become public; he filed a libel suit. She then retracted her claims and retreated to Chicago, and the whole affair was put off until this summer when Wade could focus on a burden not called "the rest of the Heat's roster." 

The most astonishing salvo was fired last week, however, when Siohvaughn Wade sued her husband's girlfriend, actress Gabrielle Union, for emotional distress. The $50,000 suit alleges that the "Bad Boys II" star "kissed" and "hugged" Wade in front of his children, inflicting such emotional distress that the older boy's hair is falling out in clumps.

Our hair's falling out just reading about it. In fact, all of Dade County might be bald by the time Judge Nega wades through surely impending allegations of alien romance and bat boy offspring and...yep, that's about all that's left to allege.

But on the bright side, if the divorce continues its nasty path or Siohvaughn gets 'cuffed, perhaps our MV3 will be too busy for that whole maybe-switching-teams thing.

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