Keys -- Er, Straws -- To the Game
Not included: gaggle of minority owners
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Giant corner has giant arms. Add Saints, stir, win!
The Saints are undefeated. The Saints have the no. 1 ranked offense in the NFL. The Saints took Drew Brees, the worst mistake in the history of all-time Dolphins everything, including this rap video and Dave Wannstedt. Waaaaah!
Get over it. Channing Crowder sure has, in the crudest possible way: "They're undefeated, they're probably smelling themselves, rubbing each other's [bathing suit areas], all that [excrement]..."
Sure, the Dolphins might lose, if only because that's what usually happens when mouthy linebackers are afflicted with verbal diarrhea. They're 2-3, after all, and rebuilding. But they also might not: however powerful statistically the Saints are, they still have to play football and win for the first time ever in Miami.
And the possibility of an upset is why we've provided these straws, sized perfectly for grasping!
* Sean Smith's Gumby arms should see some action. His spectacular one-handed INT against New Orleans in the pre-season hasn't been repeated in a game that matters, but his time could be now: Drew Brees isn't shy about throwing into tight coverage, and the rookie Smith has held his own against receivers as big and brawny as the Saints' Marques Colston. Gotta like his chances.
* The Taylor-Porter-Wake pass rush combo is bound to pay off. Miami's experimented with Cameron Wake low, Jason Taylor on his "good" side, and Joey Porter roaming wild, and have yet to see dividends. That's gotta be like cranking a jack-in-the-box, and any second ... [BREESPLAT]
* The Dolphins have a completely clean injury report for the first time all season.
* The Saints are ranked 30th in kickoff coverage, ahead of only the Lions and Panthers, giving up an average of 26.8 yards per return. Miami will stick Ted Ginn back there, and Ginn, with a lot to prove, should be happy to exploit it.
* The Saints have yielded 49 yards on 6 Wildcat-type plays so far this season. No team runs those better than the Dolphins, who could take that 8.2 yard average and wring a few more out of it.
* New Orleans' stats against the run aren't as golden as they seem, because the Saints get up fast and teams abandon the ground game to catch up. Their 5th-place ranking is based on a 3.8 yards per average, but the Herald's Armando Salguero took a look at what previous Saints opponents gained when the games were close (in other words, before opposing teams went pass-heavy), and found the Saints were giving up 5.7 yards per carry. The edge goes to Ronnie and Ricky, and the burden to the Fins defense to keep it close enough to exploit that.
* The Dolphins are converting 3rd and 2 or less 85% of the time. No one converts better on 3rd downs in the NFL, period, which means Miami can keep Drew Brees off the field if they're playing their game.
There you go. Better?
(Bonus: if the game goes south, well, these straws are convertible for drinking.)
Janie Campbell loves Sean Smith's go-go-gadget arms. A lot. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.
Copyright NBC Owned Television Stations
Posted Friday, Oct 23, 2009 - 4:00 PM EST
