Land Shark Might Soon Serve Salsa
Not again. Seriously?
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Possibly coming soon to Miami Gardens: man nipples. Those are not what we had in mind when Stephen Ross announced his boob goggles.
It's obvious what's going on here with Stephen Ross and his Dolphins.
Alarmed by the "Dolphins No. 1" vs. "Fins" vs. "Dol-Phans 4 Life" controversy, and faced with deciding who plays what when, he's gone Solomon on the 305 and decided to solve the problem by forming his very own "We Are The World"-type supergroup to do it all, together.
That's the only reasonable conclusion we can draw from the news that Ross isn't content with just Jimmy Buffett and Gloria and Emilio Estefan on board -- two sources told the Miami Herald that Ross is in talks with salsa star Marc Anthony about slicing off a piece of the pie.
"Though nothing is definite," Barry Jackson reported, "Anthony is expected to forge a relationship with the Dolphins and is in serious talks about becoming a minority owner... Anthony toured Land Shark Stadium with four of his children and Ross on Thursday, and Ross was expected to accompany Anthony to an awards show in the evening."
Yep. Within weeks, J.Lo could be a bad day away from owning a piece of Miami's beloved football franchise (er, again, for those of you who just flashed back to the memorable sportswear the actress formerly known as Jennifer Lopez rocked in "Out of Sight").
Yeesh. This again? Look, Mr. Ross, we get it. Teams aren't like dogs, they don't look like their owners -- so it's okay by us in principle if a warbling 75-pound pelvis with pipes buys in for mutual publicity. After all, this is America.
But you're making it reeeeeal hard for Miami fans to survive amongst our pigskin brethren in the sports bars and fantasy leagues. After all, our stadium just got renamed for the pińa colada of beers, our running back is demanding to be called "Errick" while passing out rubdowns, and our pants are teal.
Throw us a bone, would you? Or, if this absolutely must continue, may we suggest Trick Daddy? At least he's got street cred.
Janie Campbell suspects Stephen Ross likes office karaoke outings. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.
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