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I just reported on my show that LeBron James is heading to S. Beach -- with Chris Bosh -- to team with Dwayne Wade and Pat Riley.
Hooray! We're going to win FOREVER now! WOoooooO! Let's turn over some cars and set things on fi -- Oh, wait. Stephen A. Smith, you say? Forget it. This is getting ridiculous.
It comes down to Lebron picking between the Miami Heat and Cleveland. I've spoken to my sources in Cleveland and New York and I've known one guy for 15 years that has never given me false information. You're only as good as your sources. Lebron James is going to play with Dwyane Wade in South Beach. Chris Bosh and Lebron James are going to Miami Heat. It's not official, but I'm telling you Lebron is going to the Miami Heat.
So, really, we're talking mother's cousin's friend's boyfriend, and what he's actually saying is that it's down to Miami and Cleveland and Stephen A. Smith doesn't see how anyone could choose Ohio.
Look, Stephen A. could be right about this. Stranger things have happened, like Stephen A. Smith getting a radio show. But at this point, everyone with a pen or microphone has insisted they know where Lebron James is going to play -- and apparently Lebron James is going to play for 47 different teams next year. Whew! He's gonna be tired!
Not only does Stephen A.'s rumor-mongering accompany claims from the New York Times that James and Bosh are going to Chicago ("'I think it's a done deal,' the executive said"), but it also follows Stephen A.'s certainty of last week that Lebron was going to New York.
And -- this is the best part -- he also said, in the same radio show, that the Knicks should never have fired Isiah Thomas. Credibility, meet your doom.
But Stephen A. is still insisting he knows the future, and promptly responded to a skeptical reader with this:
Whatever you say. I've got 17 years of guessing pretty damn good, so I'll go with that.
As for us, we'll go with "free agency starts Thursday, and no one knows what's going to happen except some help will come, and Dwyane Wade will stay, and Stephen A. Smith would like some listeners."
Sigh. Come quickly, July 1. We can't take much more of this nonsense.
Janie Campbell is a Florida native who believes in the pro-set and ballpark hot dogs. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the internet.