The Miami Caliente: where the footballs aren't the only things full of hot air, and the trainers should be fired for poor ankle-wrapping skills. Wait a minute...are those kneepads?
It's certainly not the Puppy Bowl, though there'll be plenty of dogs circling.
No, the Lingerie Football League is more like the XFL with a few extra Xs -- and it has set up shop in Miami and nine other major cities in preparation for... we're not exactly sure, but it isn't for stellar football.
The Miami Caliente (it means "hot!" get it?!) will be one of ten franchises in the recently-expanded, full-contact league, whose players resemble the offspring of truck mud flaps and a sporting goods store dollar bin. Wearing helmets, pads, and little else, teams compete on a modified indoor field with all the standard rules and little of the standard talent.
It's probably better to keep the two seperate, actually -- imagine Vernon Carey in that getup! (Or, on second thought, don't.)
The League, which grew out of the famed Lingerie Bowl pay-per-view promotion that aired during the halftimes of a handful of Super Bowls, will kick off its season this fall at the BankAtlantic Center. From September to January, one game will be played each week and broadcast on a to-be-determined cable channel, with each team playing in a total of four games.
The point of the whole thing isn't hard to understand: put "athletes" in skimpy clothes, appeal to men's fantasies, profit. But it's neither watchable football nor racier than what you might see on South Beach, so its economic staying power is even less certain than whether or not those undergarments are going to hold up during an open-field tackle.
But judging from what we've seen so far - a photo calendar - we're clearly overthinking this.
Janie Campbell thinks the LFL is putting a little too much puff in powderpuff. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.