Lobster King of Carol City Strikes Again

Don't think of it as "trouble," think of it as a job interview

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    NEWSLETTERS

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    Willie Williams in action -- without a bag of contraband on his person.

    What does it take to make it to the NFL? Raw talent, sure, but also a staggering amount of single-minded determination.

    In that case, League scouts, do we have a player for you!  It's Miami Carol City High legend, seafood aficionado, and NFL hopeful Willie Williams, and if his latest adventure -- a one-two punch of burglary and reckless driving -- says anything, it's "staggering amount of single-minded determination."

    Of course, so far he's been set on sabotaging his career in any way possible, but if you could just refocus that, you'd really have something.

    Just look at his resumé: the former consensus no. 1 high school linebacker's got high standards, a taste for excellence, and a desire to trigger NCAA reform:

    [After taking Florida State's private plane to Tallahassee] I ordered a steak and a lobster tail. The lobster tail was like $49.99. I couldn't believe something so little could cost so much. The steak didn't even have a price. The menu said something about market value. I was kind of embarrassed so I didn't order a lot. But then I saw what the other guys were ordering, I was like, 'Forget this.' I called the waiter back and told him to bring me four lobster tails, two steaks and a Shrimp Scampi. It was good. I took two boxes back with me to the hotel.

    He's also demonstrated he can keep things in-house, as Miami found out when it was revealed after signing day in 2004 that he'd been arrested 12 times as a minor and charged with robbery as an adult at 17. Talk about locker room discretion: the school never even knew!

    He also revealed a brilliant creative streak when he applied himself in Gainesville to crimes we didn't even know were possible, namely "hugging a female student against her will" and "committing malicious harm to a fire extinguisher."

    His willingness to bail on Miami for playing time at West Los Angeles College just serves to show his strong desire to produce. Additional stints at Louisville, Glenville State, and Union College? A pleasing willingness to travel.

    Oh, and talk about taking one for the team: Williams even attempted to avoid trouble at Louisville by eating the marijuana he possessed when pulled over by police. 

    Locker room asset? He's a regular little Scheherazade! 

    As such, we suggest you take this most recent news of befriending and then robbing a Georgia family while he was to be training for NFL tryouts for what it is: more on-the-job proof that Williams is really and truly dedicated to his craft. Anyone can lift a TV and a necklace, but as usual, Willie Williams has given 110% and gone after an XBox 360, Nintendo Wii, digital cameras, four iPods, a Palm cellphone, Dell desktop computer, Dell laptop computer, several hundred dollars in cash, several pieces of jewelry -- and more.

    That's more than a little B&E, that's a Bob Barker showcase. And if the price is a felony, well, Willie Williams will take it. That's just the sort of team player he is.

    Also, he's still got a little of that Shrimp Scampi, and therefore feels okay about surviving prison food.

    Janie Campbell has "fiending out and stabbing a flamingo" in the Exotic category of her What Will Willie Do Next? betting pool. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.