We'll take "anything is better than playing in a football stadium" for $2.4 billion, Alex.
Oh, the fun of trusting your community aesthetic -- and tax dollars -- to a guy who got his art world start buying pieces for the Vincent Price Collection at Sears and who makes anonymous veteran New York art dealers "ready to throw up."
But our first impression of the plans for Jeffrey Loria's new Marlins Stadium is: pretty cool, actually. It's white, which is nice, because we aren't charged with keeping it clean or mold-free. It has pools, which is awesome, because that's just as fleshy yet far more classy than Jerry Jones' stadium cage dancers. It's open, which is lovely, both as a nod to the Orange Bowl [weeping] and surviving heat stroke.
Will it turn out that way? It's hard to say, because Loria spoke to the New York Times and made it sound like the stadium will resemble an Imperial Cruiser wrecked on Endor after Spanish-speaking Ewoks have their way with it.
"I went to Barcelona to see the Miró Foundation and I thought his palette would be the most appropriate...I’m interested in the sculptural experience, glass, marble, colored bricks, stones, wood. It sort of looks like a spaceship that just landed, something different, something people can call their own."
Well, alrighty then. Bonus points if it can launch Emilio Bonifacio to Mars upon his next error.
But a spaceship made of wood and stones isn't the only trick Loria has up his sleeve: he all but announced the Fish would be getting a whole new color scheme to compliment their new digs.
"We’re two years away, but we started working on a new look for the uniforms, new colors, something special for the new home. Teal is a color for the ’90s. You have to be cognizant of your time. The seats will be a beautiful shade of blue."
Teal, a color for the '90s?! The Dolphins find those fighting words, sir, but they're in line for the new Pearl Jam CD and can't be bothered right now.
So maybe Loria's taste isn't so bad after all. Or maybe it is. For better or worse, at least the new stadium won't be another boring old retro baseball palace. Miami may do garish or jumbled, but it does not, after all, do boring.