It's just not worth it. It can't be. For as much as we'd all like to see our Panthers one day Become Good, rise like a phoenix out of Sunrise, and hold aloft that Stanley Cup (or at least just win a playoff game again), the cost may be too great.
Last night in Game 5 between Chicago and Vancouver, Canucks defenseman Sami Salo suffered the worst of injuries: he was hit in the delicates by a Duncan Keith slapshot, and dropped to the ice with what was feared to be a ruptured testicle.
Still curled up like a frightened hedgehog, Salo was helped off the ice and taken by ambulance to a nearby Chicago hospital for evaluation.
Freak accident, right? Not even. Venerable hockey blog Puck Daddy points out that Salo's injury marks the third straight post-season in which a player has suffered a catastrophic injury to his little friends.
Last year, Red Winger Nicklas Lindstrom was actually speared in what was termed a "nearly catastrophic injury to his testicle," and had to undergo surgery.
In 2008, Philly's Patrick Thoreson was hit by a Mark Green shot, and for a time it was feared the injury would "require the removal of one of his testicles." It didn't, but one thing is clear: the playoffs may validate a team, but they are also a cold mistress who requires manhood for her trophy room.
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And three in a row makes one terrifying patttern. After watching that, who's ready to send our boys (and their boys) into battle? Anyone? Anyone?
Right. I don't even have those parts, and I'm not sure I'll be able to get out of bed today out of fear I'll lose them. I'm just going to sit here trying to design wearable titanium hockey underwear and letting all my hopes and dreams for the Panthers slip away into the morning mist. Sure, the Cats haven't made the playoffs in nine years now, but at least they haven't been fixed.
Janie Campbell is a Florida native who believes in the pro-set and ballpark hot dogs. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the internet.
