John Mayer Pansies Out of Onstage LeBron Jersey Threat

Someone's as soft as his music.

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Out of Bounds
    John Mayer

    Remember when we all cowered in fear from John Mayer's threat that he would wear LeBron James' Cavs jersey onstage in Miami, thereby inadvertently reminding us all how awesome we are for attracting the greatest basketball player in the world with less money? 

    Yeah, neither do we. Though we do remember the threat, if only because it was so dumb -- Mayer's concert was actually in West Palm Beach, and no one cares what John Mayer wears when it only indicates LeBron came used.

    (So did Jennifer Aniston. BURN!)

    But we do care about bringing you all the news that's fit to print when it comes to crooning pansies. And so we're thrilled to report that Saturday night, when it came time for Mayer's big anti-Heat reveal -- after wearing a shirt with his own name on it for most of the show -- he totally chickened out.

    The big In Your Face, Miami! reveal was a limp spliced jersey, half a Cavs uni with Mayer's own name on the back, and the other half a LeBron James Heat jersey.

    Sewn together. Down the middle.

    Egads. John Mayer's body is a liar-land. After all, he promised four times that he would wear a straight-up LeBron Cavs jersey to "stir the pot," and a generic Cavs jersey paired with half a Heat jersey says absolutely nothing.

    What can America depend on, if not the flat-footed attempts of its pop stars to needle an uncaring public?!?

    "Just flash us a peace sign and get strummin', mister," replied a bored West Palm Beach. "These earnest young college chicks aren't going to seduce themselves."

     

    Janie Campbell is a Florida native who believes in the pro-set and ballpark hot dogs. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the internet.