Starks Raving Stupid: DE's Future Up in Air

Parcells said the Dolphins won't take "bad guys" - but what about truck-driving dummies?

By JANIE CAMPBELL

Updated 3:53 PM EST, Mon, May 25, 2009

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When he took over the Dolphins' football operations in December of 2007, Bill Parcells declared the team wouldn't take any "bad guys, thugs and hoodlums." Where does that leave Randy Starks, out on bond after a memorable Memorial Day weekend?

So far, Senior VP of Media Relations Harvey Greene said only, "We were only recently made aware of the situation. Since we're still in the process of gathering information, we have no comment."

Gathering they should be. The story of Starks' arrest for assaulting an officer, among other things, is just a bit fishy. Did he even know an officer was banging on the cab of his freightliner, which was blaring music, filled with fun-having friends, and really, really high off the ground? Was he seriously trying to flee justice in bumper-to-bumper traffic? Is it just an incident blown out of proportion by the over-zealous cops Memorial Day on South Beach is known for?

If so, maybe Starks is lucky that squeezing 13 people in a truck built for four didn't get him slapped with attempted human trafficking, too.

But this isn't Starks' innocent first brush with the law; he was also charged with beating his fiancé in 2002. That doesn't help a case of misunderstanding, but it does bolster a case for "incredibly stupid." Whether Starks saw the officer or not, it is terrible judgement to go cruising through South Beach on the Saturday night before Memorial Day with 13 people flaunting seat belt rules, one on the driver's lap. The police report mentions no alcohol or drugs, so this brilliant idea was entirely Starks', unaided by any judgement-impairing chemicals (the lap lady in question is presumably not on the table of elements).

It's the sort of stupidity Parcells has very little patience for -- and he probably has even less for intentionally assaulting an officer of the law -- yet releasing Starks means the Dolphins would have to go out and get another defensive end. Phillip Merling and Kendall Langford are the only two on the roster with experience, and Rodrique White was inactive last season after being picked up in the seventh round. The Dolphins didn't address the position in the draft, and signed only one free agent from Purdue. Whoops!

It's unlikely, then, that Miami will release Starks, epecially if charges are reduced. But it's extremely likely Starks will get a taste of his own medicine, and find himself pinned to a wall by some good, old-fashioned Parcellsian fury.

He'll deserve it.