Well, hey, at least they went big, right? 

The Dolphins didn't just lose on Monday Night Football yesterday evening. They lost one for the ages, a performance so poor it was historic. Even the Bills were in awe.

Miami became the first team in NFL history to allow touchdowns on a running play, passing play, interception return, kickoff return, and blocked field goal in the same game, a 41-14 drubbing made even more notable by the fact that a little-known Patriot did half of it himself: Patrick Chung blocked a field goal attempt, deflected a punt, and returned it for a touchdown. 

That's right, Patrick Chung. If you didn't chew your own arm off watching it happen, Dolphins fan, you're just a slow eater, because the fallout from this is going to be very, very long-lasting.

Here's a look at the good (spoiler: that part's short), the bad, and the ugly.

The Good: 

* Tom Brady was held to 153 yards and Randy Moss notched his first catch-less game since 2006. Moss said after the game this was "strategy," meaning either the Patriots knew even their crappy second-tier receivers were enough to beat the Dolphins (that would be bad), or Moss is just saying that while horribly disgruntled behind the scenes, a situation that will shortly divide the team into warring camps of support, ripping apart the very fabric of the Patriots and causing them to turn on each other like wild dogs with pitchforks strapped to each leg (that would be good.)

* Davone Bess. Damn, do we ever love that little waterbug of a man. The undrafted third-year receiver out of Hawaii caught 9 passes for 93 yards and one touchdown, befuddling the Patriots secondary.

He was the only one. [Stares death rays at Chad Henne]

* The best Tweet of the night came from comedian Rick Muscles, who noted "Chad Henne has the face and hair of a backup quarterback." HE'S TOTALLY RIGHT. So now we can say comedy was the real winner, and not New England. Put an asterisk by the score.

* The Dolphins had a pretty good 7-6 first half; things didn't really fall apart until the very first seconds after the break. Henne had completed his first seven passes, marching the Fins downfield for a touchdown, and the defense was able to hold the Patriots to a pair of field goals on two drives that lasted a combined 11:58. Tom Brady was sacked as many times as he had been all season.

Then, of course, they made sure no one would ever speak of any of the above again. Except maybe Chad Henne's face and hair, because both of them locked on to receivers. And that's it's own brand of impressive.

The Bad: 

* This is kinda unfortunate in retrospect, no? Think he had time to shave that after he finally got home from the game, or is this poor man actually in a tie at work today wishing he could rip the back of his own head off? (Via SBN.)

* This whole "blame the players, not the coaches" argument coming from the players. Because after 41-14, there's enough blame to go around for both parties -- trust us, we're able to pick more than one. The Dolphins have had a punt blocked in 4 of their 8 games this year (including the pre-season). So long, special teams coach John Bonamego! You are now legend.

* The Curse lives. No matter who the Dolphins cut, they always come back to haunt them. Be it Wes Welker or Daunte Culpepper or whoever, it's like they are magically possessed by the spirit of every angry cut player ever the moment they step into Dolphins Stadium. It's the only thing that explains how Rob Ninkovich, a five-year NFL vet released by the Dolphins for Erik Walden (who was released himself last week), got not only his first-ever interception against his former team, but also his second.

(Gross incompetence explains it too, but we need to believe there's a curse.)

The Ugly

* Ninkovich, on his first INT: "When I saw it was a pass, I got back to my drop and read the quarterback. He was looking right at me."

* Ninkovich, on his second INT: "I saw they were running a boot. Henne was looking right at him."

* Chad Henne, on account of the above and a third interception, which we can't even talk about right now.

* Tom Brady's failed Marino impersonation. The Dolphins may be continually raped by former players, but at least former Dolphin Dan Marino is powerful enough to likewise curse anyone who dares try his fake spike in his own house. Nice attempt, pretty boy: 

* Did we mention Miami became the first team in NFL history to allow touchdowns on a running play, passing play, interception return, kickoff return, and blocked field goal in the same game? 

Look, we could go on for days in the ugly column. But that pretty much sums it all up, and we have an arm to chew off. 

Janie Campbell is a Florida native who believes in the pro-set and ballpark hot dogs. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the internet.