In the most non-shocking news since finding out Joey Porter is a delusional aging jerkface, Las Vegas has released odds on which teams will win next year's Super Bowl and the Dolphins aren't exactly in the running.
But Bodog.com puts the Fins' odds as low as 45/1, on par with the 49ers and Seahawks. Ouch. Guess they're onto that whole linebackers problem and the fact that the Dolphins can't catch. Or maybe they just watched the NFL's fourth-quarter thank you to its Super Bowl host city, "Lift Off," in which they and Reggie Bush posterize the Dolphins (in the form of Gibril Wilson) in slow-motion for an entire half-minute.
Yep, 30 seconds of humiliation watched by 109 million people, for which the NFL paid about $3 million dollars. (To be fair, Gibril Wilson must be really good at Operation.)
The confident nod goes to the Colts at 13/2, followed by the Chargers, Saints, and Patriots. After going 7-9, what can the Dolphins expect? Their odds are lower than Bill Parcells being outside Porter's house right now, sitting in his car and staring straight ahead without blinking.
Lower than the odds of the Dolphins exacting revenge by declining to trade, cut, or play Porter, which would be insanely awesome and make us happy forever.
Lower than the odds of non-football watching tennis players purchasing a part of the team and then being joined by one of the Kids Incorporated. Wait, that already happened? Must have blocked it out.
Of course, I like to think the Dolphins are just one more Parcells-led year away from storming the AFC and taking what is rightfully Dan Marino's, even if it's only a division championship -- but Vegas says that's crazy talk. Speaking from a town located in the middle of the dessert, they should know.
Janie Campbell is a Florida native who believes in the pro-set and ballpark hot dogs. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the internet.