Dolphins fans (some of them, at least) may be cheering Miami's descent to the bottom rungs of the NFL, so long as it gives the team the top spot in April's NFL Draft.

But the players and coaching staff responsible for the Dolphins' current predicament clearly aren't as rosy about the prospect of drafting Stanford QB Andrew Luck, since a good portion of them will lose their jobs if Miami does indeed finish with the worst record in the NFL in 2011.

Head coach Tony Sparano is first in line to get the ax (his dismissal is all but assured at this point). And his coping strategy is interesting, to say the least.

"I talk to myself a lot," he said Monday. "I spend a lot of time doing that. I figure if I talk to myself nobody usually answers back. That's a good thing. If they start answering back, that's a bad thing."

The Dolphins have lost six games in a row to start the 2011 season, and nine in a row dating back to last season.

The brutal stretch has apparently led Sparano to adopt the favored tact of homeless men on public transportation: talking to himself.

That's not the only coping mechanism Sparano is leaning on. He supplements his self-addressed ramblings with a heaping dose of denial, as evidenced by his continued belief that the Dolphins can all of a sudden stop resembling a poorly-coached Pop Warner team.

"I believe those guys in that locker room," he said, "I just do."

"I see it every day and sooner or later here we're going to get one of these things. And it's going to turn. That's what I believe."

At least someone believes in the Dolphins, even if it is the man who will most likely be the first casualty of the ongoing disaster when the 2011 season comes to a close (if he even lasts that long).