Vampire Diaries: Tampa Dracula Wants to Be Prez
Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey to enter 2012 race
http://www.theimpalerformngovernor.us/home
Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey.
He can already make young girls swoon like Edward Cullen, and Tampa vampire Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey is hoping voters will swoon to the ballot box for him in 2012.
That's because the 45-year-old blood sucker with an appetite for young girls wants to be the country's first vampire president, according to WTSP.com.
Sharkey, who claims he's a descendent of Vlad the Impaler, better known as Dracula, has naturally changed his party affiliation from Independent to Republican for his 2012 run at the Oval Office.
In addition to his Presidential bids in '04 and '08, The Impaler, whose Website states he is from Elizabeth, N.J., ran for Governor of Minnesota and U.S. Senate in 2000.
Sharkey, who claims to be immortal, has several interesting stances on key issues. He is extremely anti-abortion and in favor of marijuana legalization, and heavily supports capital punishment, including impalements meted out by Sharkey himself.
He also ascribes to what he calls the "Vladimir Putin Media Relations Act."
"If the media or anyone defames me, lies about me or tries to portray me in a negative way, I will have you arrested and brought before me to stand trial," Sharkey claims on his Website. "Upon finding you guilty of your crime(s), I will personally cut out your lying tongue and nail it to your chin for the world to see what a liar you are! This Act will be grandfathered as far back as I decide I want it to be.
"If you royally piss me off, I will not only cut your lying tongues out, but, I will beat, torture, IMPALE, dismember and decapitate you. Your head will be placed on display on the Front Lawn of The White House."
Sharkey's First Lady will likely be new fiancee Audrianna Foster, a 19-year-old from Ohio whom he met online.
The two were engaged on March 1, shortly after his engagement to a 16-year-old Minnesota girl ended badly. Her family took out a restraining order against Sharkey after they said he "brainwashed" her.
"I haven't dated a girl older than 19 since 2006," Sharkey told WTSP.com. "It's good to be me."
Sharkey, who has a 19-year-old daughter and 2-year-old grandson, also reportedly admitted to harassing another 16-year-old girl in Minnesota last year, and was found guilty of intimidating a judge in Indiana last year in a case related to his harassment of another young woman.
Legal troubles aside, The Impaler thinks nothing will derail his shot at Commander in Chief.
"There can be only one! Vote for a warrior who will defend you and your rights," his Website reads. "Vote for the true Impaler."
Posted Monday, Mar 15, 2010 - 1:39 PM EST
