Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and curse the Emmy judges for not giving Nick Offerman an Emmy nod. What is wrong with you people? YOU REPULSE ME. LET’S GO!
TEXAS WOMEN – 10:00PM (CMT) It’s a new reality show about, you guessed it, men from Idaho. No, just kidding. The title says it all. Follow four hot Texas ladies (Ali, Anna, Brooke, and Hannah. They rhyme!) as they do all sorts of crazy Texas things. I assume this is CMT’s answer to the “Real Housewives” franchise, which means the idea for this kind of show is now migrating to other cable channels. It won’t be long before NatGeo has a fighting women’s show called “What Mozambique Women Want,” and I very much look forward to it. ANTICIPATION: TEXAN!
TATTOO SCHOOL – 9:00PM (TLC) If that show wasn’t blue collar enough for you, then head over to TLC to check out their new series about tattoo artist and instructor Lisa Fasulo, who teaches her pupils how to give gorgeous tattoos to all manner of runaways and ex-cons. Fasulo’s course in tattooing lasts an incredible TWO weeks. Yes, because when you’re about to get a permanent ink stain injected under your skin for the rest of eternity, you want someone who has been through a rigorous fourteen whole days of training. ANTICIPATION: DON’T GET A TATTOO!
TRUE LIFE: I’M A SUGAR BABY – 10:00PM (MTV) Oooh, you mean those little brown sugar-flavored candies that come in a box? No? Oh, you mean young girls who sleep with older, richer men because they’re emotionally damaged and can only be made happy by temporary encounters with material goods? Ah. Those sugar babies aren’t quite as cool. ANTICIPATION: SAD!
FIRST 48: MISSING PERSONS – 10:00PM (A&E) A 30-year-old man goes missing right before receiving his second Master’s degree. I’d question the parents. No parent lets their kid become a professional student without strongly considering making them disappear. ANTICIPATION: GET A JOB!
LOUIE – 10:30PM (FX) Some weeks “Louie” feels brilliant, some weeks it feels sloppy pasted together. What was with the town car bit last week? Why was that there? Sometimes, I secretly just want the show to be 30 minutes of Louie doing standup. Anyway, tonight your guest is Joan Rivers. And I’ll say a rosary and pray she isn’t involved in any kind of spanking scene. ANTICIPATION: I’M SORRY, DADDY!