Even though Ricky Gervais won't be the master of ceremonies at the 2011 Oscar Awards, the comedian has come up with a way to cause some on-stage mischief if hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway are willing to ruffle some Hollywood feathers.
"Good luck," the draft opens. "They will do an absolutely fantastic job and don't need my help, but I've written a little opening in case they have a few minutes to fill."
What follows is a characteristic series of jokes and insults from the man whose performance as host of this year's Golden Globes was widely criticized for being too mean spirited.
"You probably know me from '127 Hours' where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decided he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was," Gervais wrote in a passage for Franco. "Now that sounds 'way out' but wait until half way through this #$%^&@# ceremony and you'll start to identify with him."
"No comedians tonight," Hathaway follows. "And do you know why? Because comics are ugly."
"Especially that rude obnoxious one who played the Steve Carell part in the English remake of 'The Office,'" Franco would reply.