ROB US FUNNY: Guess this phrase: "Juuu can dooo eeet!" Give up? It's Rob Schneider, duh. See the famous actor/comedian who coined this classic phrase at the Improv. Who knows, he might bear yet another golden egg of comedy, and you'll be the first to hear it. Get your tickets already. Fort Lauderdale Improv, 7 P.M.
PATS ON THE BACK: The game Dolfans everywhere have been waiting for has finally arrived. With playoff implications for both sides and the Fins actually having a chance at both division lead AND the wildcard race, this rematch is the epitome of a "nail-biter." We're sure Tom Brady's shaking in his little cleats and Spandex pants, though we can't be sure, since his body contains less than 2 percent body fat. LandShark Stadium, 1 P.M.
DESERT ROSE: We're warning you, so try not to cringe as we say these two words: Art Basel. If you haven't od'd on art -- and the free booze that comes with it -- we have another fun one for ya. Jesse Rose, DJ from jolly ol' England, is coming to SoBe along with Riva Starr, Zombie Disco Squad, and others. Oh, those charming Brits. Rok Bar, 11 P.M.