Carousing at the Cleve

After 22 months and $40 million in renovations, the Clevelander is ready to rock -- again

Puke-proof beds (bolted-down, of course) are just one of the many improvements at the newly renovated Clevelander, set to open this Thursday at 6 p.m.

The Ocean Drive hotel has long been a staple stay for the drunk and disorderly looking to rock and roll all night and party every day. And now that its 22-month, $40 million renovation is complete, it’s ready to accommodate guests thinking they’re of the rock star variety, but can only afford $179 a night. 

Forget state-of-the-art, designer this, that and the other, the Cleve is ready for a crowd that knows how to do damage. That’s why, instead of Phillipe Stark fixtures, it opted for taller chest rails on its balconies (to keep visitors from plunging into the pool 25 feet below). There's also sturdier sinks. This time around a grown man can sit on the sink and it won’t fall off the wall—because hey, what happens at the Clevelander is your business, man. It even installed more ceiling lights, because lamp shades as drunken party hats usually mean broken table lamps.

To celebrate its grand reopening, the South Beach spot that encourages nearly naked bikini contests and libations in glasses as large as milk jugs has some pretty snazzy set lists. Look for Gym Class Heroes to take the stage Thursday. And, of course, the party will rage on well into the weekend—this is the Clevelander after all—so expect DJ Jazzy Jeff on Friday and a “model showcase” (read girls in bikinis the size of Band-Aids) on Saturday.

Looks like it’s the start to the same-old Clevelander already.

But some things have changed at the historic spot. For instance, the lobby, former home to a sports bar, has been restored to its original 1938 Art Deco state, per pushing from the City, we’re sure.

Will the Cleve’s heathens appreciate the monumental makeover? We’re guessing only if it comes with a shot or a side of T&A.


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