New Site Solves Kids' Math Problems for Them

No need to retain math skills over summer!

Great news! There appears to be a simple online solution to the American educational system's "summer brain drain" problem, in which "most students -- regardless of family income or background -- lose two to 2 1/2 months of the math computational skills that they learned during the school year."

It is called Wolfram Alpha. Quick, everyone run to the Internet!

How does one Web site stop this massive problem of children forgetting all math during their lazy summers of video games and "beach football?" Quite simple: It solves math problems for you! That's right, when these "brain-drained" students get their first math homework assignments in the fall, they can either (a) try to solve the problems by themselves, but how would they know what to do? or (b) go to Wolfram Alpha and let the Internet do it for them, correctly.

Say the problem is, hmm, "x+2=5, solve for x." Who knows! 82 or something?? Oh look the Internet says 3. A-plus!

Most clutch: It even shows the step-by-step path to the answer.

Of course math and science teachers are all extremely mean and fear this new program. Take the educators at Virginia's Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology, where the kids are supposedly smart. They understand that the Internet can now solve all math for these students, but only existing math, so they're trying to create some sort of New Math that the Internet would not understand.

“The challenge for math teachers now is to rewrite [tests and homework], and rethink the ways they teach concepts with the technology. And that’s going to take time,” said Evan Glazer, principal at Thomas Jefferson. “But the questions they can ask are more rich, and dig deeper into understanding the concepts rather than focusing on the skills.”

New Math is insane.

Jim Newell writes for Wonkette and IvyGate.

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