Last month, my wife and I spent a week in Ireland. On our last day in Dublin, we stopped for lunch at a restaurant reputed to have the best fish and chips in the city. As we got up to leave, I noticed the two ladies seated at the table behind us were accompanied by a service dog. I couldn’t help but smile, but looked away quickly, not wanting to distract the dog from her work. The handler however, didn’t miss a beat.
“She’s off-duty at the moment,” she informed me in her lively Dublin lilt. “You can pet her if you like. She would love it!”
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I soon learned that her name was Cassie, and she was an absolute sweetheart. It was a fantastic moment, not just because it was serendipitous and sweet, but because moments like that one are rare. When it comes to interacting with service dogs in public, experiences like the one I had with Cassie are very much the exception, not the rule.
Throughout the course of this series on service dogs, several folks have emailed me to inquire about the rules of etiquette for approaching service dog teams. What should I do when I see a service dog? When is it OK to pet a service dog? Is it OK if my kids approach a service dog? What can I do to help a service dog handler? The answers may surprise you.
When encountering a service dog team in public, the most courteous thing you can do is nothing. Yes, you read that correctly. They do not need assistance, and more than likely, would prefer to simply be ignored.
I have a friend in San Francisco whom I’ll call Sue. During a recent conversation, Sue lamented that she rarely gets a moment’s peace when she is out with her service dog, Molly. Curious, well-meaning strangers are forever approaching her, asking questions about Molly. While they mean no disrespect, many of the questions they ask are personal, and some are downright rude.
“Why do you need a service dog?” and “What’s wrong with you?” are questions she hears on an almost daily basis. Such questions are not only inappropriate, they are technically illegal.
As per the Americans With Disabilities Act, a service dog handler may only be asked if their dog is a service animal, and what tasks said animal is trained to do which mitigate the effects of a disability. That’s it.
Other common, yet unacceptable remarks include “But you look perfectly fine!” and “That’s so cool that you get to take your dog everywhere with you!”
Many disabilities (epilepsy, diabetes, obsessive compulsive disorder, PTSD, and dozens of others) are not obvious to the casual observer. The widespread problem of service dog fraud is an additional fly in the ointment. Just this summer, a law was passed banning service dogs from riding in shopping carts. As a result, many handlers with invisible illnesses face a tough decision if their service dog happens to be small. Do they place their dog on the floor where she may be kicked or trod upon? Or do they carry the dog, and risk being seen as a pet owner committing fraud?
A small dog that is being carried may very well be a medical alert dog. Since it is also not required for service dogs to wear identifying vests or harnesses, dogs in hot climates like South Florida often do not. Remember, it is not permitted to ask questions of handlers other than the ones that are allowed by the ADA.
With regards to observers who may envy a handler’s privilege of taking their dog with them in public, bear in mind that service dog handlers do not do this because it is cool. They are disabled, and their dogs accompany them in order to help them lead a productive life.
Even comments that are not disrespectful can still present an imposition to a service dog handler. As our friend Sue so eloquently put it:
“Being disabled means everything takes me twice as long as it should. I know it sounds mean, but interacting with curious strangers is a really inefficient use of my time. Last week, I was out with Molly for two and a half hours, and nineteen people stopped us to ask me questions. One of them even took a selfie.
The whole outing should have been done and dusted in an hour. People are just curious. They mean no harm, and I get that. But I’m doing my darndest to be productive and independent despite the disability. I don’t want to have to rely on the government, the community, my family or my church. The constant interruptions just make my life harder. Honestly, the most helpful thing a person can do for a service dog team is to just ignore them.”
Another handler, CeceIia, chimed in on my fan page:
“It’s so tiring when I’m out in public with Emery, my service dog, and people are constantly trying to pet her. I have to tell them no and explain why they can’t, so a 10-minute shopping trip turns into an an hour, and I go home in pain because of it. It really is exhausting.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself, so I won’t even try.
When it comes to interacting with service dogs, a hands-off approach is required. Generally speaking, service dogs are trained to ignore other people, and focus exclusively on the needs of the handler. Attention from strangers is not only unwelcome, it is stressful for a well-trained service dog. More importantly, the distraction can cause a service dog to miss the cues that signal a handler’s need for assistance. While handlers understand this is never a kindly stranger’s intention, the fact of the matter is that this behavior puts handlers in harm’s way.
When I asked our friend Sue who the worst offenders were, she answered with a sigh:
“Parents. Again, I know it sounds so awful. I love kids - I have kids. Kids love animals, and parents see an encounter with a service dog as a teachable moment. But it’s not a teachable moment. It’s my time. It’s my ability to get around. My life is complicated enough as it is - I don’t have time for show-and-tell.
Molly is my best friend and my closest companion. But in a very real way, she’s like medical equipment. So parents should ask themselves, 'Is it appropriate to let your child play with a person’s wheelchair, cane, or oxygen tank?' Surely most kids would want to play with those too, right? Why wouldn’t they? Wheels, machines, big sticks - they’re interesting, and they’re awesome. But any parent would object to their child playing with these things because they’re not toys. Neither are service dogs. Ditto for kids who point, stare, or make loud comments. If my kid did that to a person in a wheelchair, I’d correct the behavior and teach them a better way. Service dog handlers would really like to have that same courtesy.”
Teach curious children that these doggies are working and must not be interrupted. There are plenty of ways to expound upon this lesson without putting a service dog handler at risk.
If you see a dog in a public place that does not generally allow pets, assume it is a service dog and do not interfere. If the handler needs help, they will ask for it. If the dog is off-duty and allowed to play, as was the case with my new friend in Dublin, the handler will let you know. But I cannot stress strongly enough just how rarely experiences like the one I shared with Cassie come along.
Service dogs work hard, but they get tons of attention, down time, and TLC from the humans in their lives. We would be misguided in thinking that they needed affection from strangers in order to feel happy and fulfilled. On the contrary, these animals lead rewarding lives by helping individuals who face obstacles on a daily basis. We can all do our part to make their lives easier by smiling politely, and letting them have their space.
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