As Gov. Charlie Crist prepares to deliver his final State of the State address tonight, many are wondering what the Senate hopeful will say his remaining goals are for his final months in office.
He has said his top priority is finding ways to create jobs, including a corporate tax break and financial incentives to attract businesses to the state.
But since Crist hasn't really done a bang up job on that front in the past three years and it appears to be easier to get bitten by a shark than to find a job, we think he should focus on some other pressing issues facing the state.
The State of the State address could be Crist's final opportunity to put his permanent stamp on Florida. What better way to do that than to announce he is going to push for radical changes.
Anyone with eyes can see Crist and his buddies are trying to turn Florida into Reptile Island, which wouldn't be such a bad name change considering pythons and other invasive species have taken over.
The snake hunt could become the state's new past time, replacing picking oranges. Python wranglers make about as much as teachers so how's that for stimulus.
And most residents must be tired of being linked to the gray lump of sea mammal known as the manatee. Crist could propose the new state animal is the Burmese python, which is a much more menacing state mascot and easier to sell in tattoo form.
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While those changes are cosmetic, Crist could go for substance by announcing plans to sell or trade South Florida for cash considerations. Why, you might ask?
South Florida hasn't been too kind to Crist over the years. His biggest rival is from Miami and the governor spends more time writing suspension letters to local corrupt politicians than he does on the important things like keeping up with his tan.
We could think of a few takers in the South Florida for sale sweepstakes.
Georgia would be a natural geographic fit, but Miami-Dade and Broward counties have become far too controversial for our northern neighbors. Alaska and South Carolina are no stranger to political scandal and corruption, so they might be in the running.
New York has an outside shot considering so many borough-dwellers have transplanted down here. California has no money and despite Crist's ties with the Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, he won't be trading Miami or its old people for I Owe You's.
Crist takes the spotlight at 6 p.m. Have your favorite python tattoo ready.
