Now that you've stocked your pantry floor to ceiling with ammunition and waited patiently for your permit, it's time to learn how to use that new burglar-killing, deer-huntin' firearm of yours.
The USA Top-Gun firearm training center took out a full page ad in the Miami Herald today advertising their classes on packing heat the right way. "We teach you to do it right" is their motto, stating that they "train all who desire and need to exercise their constitutional and 2nd amendment's rights" (good thing they're not offering grammar training).
Learn everything from simple gun safety to how to be an expert marksman (watch out, pirates!), and Boy Scouts are taught free of charge if they're earning a merit badge. Bonus upon completion for everyone: a "custom polo shirt."
It's got to be good times for training centers like these, considering that the state was backlogged 95,000 weapon permit applications last month.
The two culprits: Obama and the economy. ''The demand is because of the fear. People are concerned with losing their rights,'' sales clerk Chris McCarthy of Jet's Florida Outdoors store in Westchester told the Miami Herald.
''Once the economy gets bad, crime always goes up,'' said Agriculture Commissioner and police officer Charles Bronson (not the Charles Bronson). "People get desperate whenever things are not going the way they feel like they should be going, and they'll do things they normally wouldn't do.''
USA Top-Gun compares guns to flood insurance (we hope we'll never have to use it, but we've got it just in case).
Thinking about taking our policy away, State Farm?
From our cold, wet hands.