Newsflash! It gets hot in Miami. Even newsier flash! When you get hot, you sweat.
Leave it to the geniuses at Old Spice to point out this obscenely obvious point and bestow upon Miami the honor of being the seventh sweatiest city in America.
Wave your hands in the air like you just don't care if you have on deodorant. Jackie Moon would be proud.
The survey takes into account the average temperature in the city during the summer and how much a resident sweats during an hour in that heat. That might hamper Miami's chances because once the temp is turned up outside, most of us turn the AC up inside. Miami has yet to come in first in the annual "competition" and we all know how Miamians like to be the top dog.
This year's honor went to Phoenix, which alternates wins with Las Vegas as the sweatiest of the sweaters. According to the scientific survey, Phoenix residents perspired enough to fill more than two soda cans every hour. Now that's nasty.
Three other Sunshine State cities made the top 20 list.
So when your dripping wet in the clubs this Fourth of July weekend, give someone a high-five. Chances are you contributed to Miami making its sweaty mark. Party in the city where the heat is on.