The Marlins have long been the anti-Yankees in more ways than one -- attendance, salaries, facilities, winning, take your pick -- but the teams' differing response to the World Cup, hearing loss, and eventual anarchy proves the divide goes deeper than you'd think.
Wednesday, the Yanks removed a fan who dared bring a vuvuzela to a baseball game; this Saturday night, the Marlins will be handing them out to the first 15,000 fans that arrive to see them take on the Rays.
Guess if you can't draw the crowds, you can make it sound like you did.
The Marlins have had the promo night on the schedule since winter, months before unsuspecting World Cup watchers reacted with horror and criticism to the long, loud South African horns invading their televisions, drowning out everything, and prompting health concerns on account of Europe being so darn delicate.
But the criticism isn't going to stop the Marlins, who'll be passing out a shorter and admittedly less loud version. Still, it's pretty annoying:
And it is going to be incredible.
Think you've been to a crazy baseball game? Think again. The impending collision of stodgy baseball with the sound of a million affronted locusts has us giddy with anticipation, like the thrill before watching a controlled explosion inplode a building. How loud will it be? What will it be like watching a baseball game when players can't hear each other? Will a soccer game break out accidentally?
And, more importantly, is there any going back once you've let the vuvuzela in?
We can only offer this handy usage guide and hope Sun Life holds together.
Janie Campbell is a Florida native who believes in the pro-set and ballpark hot dogs. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the internet.