Marlins a Living, Breathing, Bunting Joke from The Onion

Observers may consider the Marlins "an unecessary wart" on baseball, but at least they recognize that the wart has its place: it is to keep existing, to pop up every now and then bringing sweet, beautiful chaos, and in the meantime give us things to write about (namely, "why?") and make us laugh.

The Marlins are especially good at the punchline part; perhaps that's because, as the saying goes, only the truth is funny.

Hitting Coach Lets Out Long, Melancholy Sigh Before Working With Pitchers On Bunting

JUPITER, FL—Florida Marlins hitting coach Jim Presley massaged his temples with his left hand and emitted a deep, sorrowful sigh Friday when he realized he would have to spend two hours going over bunting with his team's pitchers. "All right, let's just get this over with," said Presley, who spent much of the practice shaking his head in disbelief and wincing from frustration. "How is it that you're all professional baseball players, but you don't know how to do this? ...Make sure you thumb is out—oh, boy. You're going to have to get that checked out."

That was posted today at The Onion, America's finest source for fake news like "Senator Dikembe Mutombo Blocks Record Amount of Legislation" and "Forgetful Karl Lagerfeld Inadvertently Starts Lobster-Bib Trend." And it's funny, see, because the Marlins are bad!

Unfortunately for fans, it hits a little too close to home. We're guessing The Onion's writers probably didn't even see this actual piece on "super-utility" project Emilio Bonifacio learning to bunt in yesterday's Miami Herald:

During the winter, while home in the Dominican Republic, Emilio Bonifacio met with [Mets second baseman and former Marlin Luis Castillo] at 10 every morning. For two hours, they went over bunting...Marlins coach Dave Collins is also working extensively with Bonifacio on his bunting.

Have mercy! The Marlins are a living, breathing, Onion-worthy joke and the season hasn't even started yet! On the other hand, at least we got that out of the way early, so perhaps the team can focus on the whole making-chaos part of the deal.