Even in retirement, Jack McKeon can still be counted on for one heck of a story on a slow news day.

On news that his former charge Josh Beckett spent most of September eating fried chicken in the Boston Red Sox clubhouse during games, McKeon recounted how he had to lock Beckett and his Marlins teammates out of the clubhouse when he took over the team in 2003.

The Palm Beach Post asked McKeon about a Boston Globe report that Beckett and John Lackey made a habit of sneaking off to the Red Sox clubhouse while their team was fighting off an epic September collapse. As their teammates were trying unsuccessfully to stave off the surging Tampa Bay Rays, Beckett and Lackey were drinking beer, eating chicken and playing video games.

McKeon told the Post that he had not read the Globe's story, but Beckett and Brad Penny used to do the same thing in Florida in 2003.

"In between innings they'd go to the clubhouse to get a drink or hang out," he said.

"A couple of times I looked down the bench to talk to somebody and they weren't there. They were in the clubhouse. So I went up and got them out and said, 'OK, boys that's it. We'll lock the door.'"

McKeon even made the Marlins request a hall pass to use the clubhouse bathroom during games. He called them "poo-poo cards and pee-pee cards."

Stop for a second and imagine Penny walking up to McKeon in the dugout to request a pee-pee card. We bet you can't do that and keep a straight face.

Did McKeon bring back the poo-poo cards when he took over as interim manager in June? "I didn't lock [the clubhouse door] this year," he said, "but I threatened a couple of times."

Unfortunately, McKeon didn't say which players drew the locked-door threats. He did mention that pitchers were the most difficult to keep focused, since they often "didn't have anything to do."

Even so, McKeon deprived us all of the opportunity to hear stories in the future about Logan Morrison requesting a poo-poo card, and that might be the most disappointing fact of all about the Marlins' 2011 season.