Marlins Put Time in a Bottle

There's at least a few years Marlins fans hope to forget

The Marlins added a little history to their new stadium Wednesday, burying a time capsule full of "championship memories" and nuggets from their early years into one of the super-columns that form the foundation.

We suspect it's really a horcrux containing Wayne Huizenga's soul. But the metal treasure chest, as the Fish front office is calling it, is encased in concrete and won't be seen again until the stadium is demolished or Prince Fielder gets hungry again.

"The purpose of this is so one day in 75 years, when a new ballpark is being discussed, people will be digging and excavating and they'll find this chest," Marlins president David Samson said. "In it will be a path of the Marlins' history to this point."

Digging and excavating? Um, in 75 years we expect to be levitating in tin foil suits, recalling Marlins history in our embedded Internet brain chip while robots do all the work, but okay. It's cute to bury a box.

So, what's in it? The team is being extremely tight-lipped, but so far this much has leaked: 

• A DVD explaining all that has been included and why.
• A copy of a local newspaper from Wednesday, Aug. 26.
• Items from the 1993 Marlins inaugural season.
• Memorabilia from the 1997 and 2003 World Series title teams.
• Items from the 2009 Marlins.

Guess future us would be tricked into thinking the Marlins were pretty good if only someone could find a working antique DVD player.

Here's what ought to be in it:

• The heads of every Miami-Dade official who let the Orange Bowl rot.
• A vial of tears from the 1998 100+-loss season.
Jeff Conine, with a bottle of water and some canned food.
• Josh Johnson's contract, if only so he won't be able to find it in his desk and we can keep tricking him into thinking it's still good and keep him forever.

Note to the Marlins: you should probably also leave instructions on how to get inside a poured concrete column buried in the ground.

Never mind, the robots will know.

Janie Campbell wants them to bury a hot dog so she can snack if she's a digger. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.

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