Remember, Dolfans: No One Cares About the Pro Bowl

Call us when when we can kick voters off an island, or the game involves actual effort.

Ah, the Pro Bowl. It's one of those wastes of time no one cares about until someone from their own team is snubbed.

Lousaka Polite an alternate to a guy who smiles like this? WE'LL CUT  YOU, VOTERS.

No Randy Starks? UNTIL YOU BLEED.

Oh, hush, though you're entirely justified. It's not like you were going to watch it.

The Pro Bowl is sorta like "Models of the Runway" that way: if you watch, it's only because "Project Runway" is about to go on hiatus, and the finale hasn't aired yet, and you're trying to pack in as much Tim-and-Heidi-related goodness as possible before the break. It's an indomitable wait between the Super Bowl and pre-season play, and football fans are more like squirrels than Actual Humans.

Here's the thing: the models and Pro Bowlers aren't competing, not really. They're just a sideshow to the Super Bowl showdown between one delicate yet earnest fellow and two strong women, at least one of whom can't design to save their lives (played by the 1990 Denver Broncos).

It says it all that the most memorable Pro Bowl moment of the decade was Sean Taylor actually playing football.

Sure, it matters to be selected: we can refer to Jason Taylor as a 6-time Pro Bowler, and that says in fewer words "this guy is the only good thing ever to come out of Akron, and he ruled the better part of a decade and got 79 women in South Florida pregnant just by strapping on a helmet." There's also the matter of a cash bonus, which is awesome, because that Cadillac Escalade made from diamond dust isn't going to trick itself out.

But it doesn't matter to not be selected, because no one pays any attention after a day or two of debate (and by debate, we mean "Redskins fans whining about London Fletcher.") Recognition for Polite especially would have been nice, but until they turn voting into a draft-like extravaganza combined with the best parts of Wipeout!, the Pro Bowl's not going to be more relevant than a free trip to Hawaii or Miami and an asterisk.

Janie Campbell clearly can't wait for a scintillating and hard-fought Pro Bowl. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.

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