New Stapp Song Probably Not Taking Marlins Higher

We joked about this, and then it happened. Apologies, Miami!

Last week when we suggested the Marlins have Scott Stapp re-work a Creed song for the team, we were just kidding. 

Turns out the Marlins were serious. Scott Stapp, overly so. Have you ever seen anyone so clenched and angry-looking about an imminent World Series championship (as the song says)?

Yep, that's what's going to play on the scoreboard at home games, and it plays amazingly like an SNL parody. To be fair, it's hard for anyone to remain dignified when singing about baseball, but may we suggest the following, more realistic lyrics:

Let's play ball it's game day
If you're too good, the Fish'll trade you away
Take the field, hear the roar of a grand
'Cause there's no one in the stands
'Cause there's no one in the stands
Keep Hanley Ramirez and you may see a score
With Dan Uggla untraded you might see more

One strike two strikes swing away
This just ain't Chris Coghlan's day
So many guys stranded on base
Another  bullpen fright, we're either
World Series Champs, or having a bad night!
We've only made the post-season twiiiiiiice!
When Jeffrey fires Fredi it won't! be! niiiiiiiice!

Or something, anyway, that doesn't sound as if believing in ourselves with a dash of nu-rock makes up for that bullpen.

Naturally, the team is no stranger to questionable seasonal stylings; flailing dorky promotion is part of their considerable charm. But at least Pitbull had the good sense to use a Debbie Deb sample, and even Shoe Gallery's opening day short is more inspiring -- if only for that giant turkey leg -- and it's trying to sell us something.

Marlins Die-Hards is so horrified by the Stapping they've suggested rolling footage of actual marlins eating sardines instead. This is, of course, the correct answer.

Janie Campbell is a Florida native who believes in the pro-set and ballpark hot dogs. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the internet.

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