No one screws the Knicks like Pat Riley, and now you can add the Cavs to his list of conquests: the Heat unquestionably became a championship contender Thursday night by swaying LeBron James from Cleveland to sign with Miami.
"I'm taking my talents to South Beach and joining the Miami Heat," James announced during a live, tedious, over-inflated, slobbery one-hour special on ESPN. (We might criticize such an event, but now he's ours and therefore perfect.)
He called the move a "tough decision" but said he had "no doubts" about the choice -- which could cost him as much as $30 million in lost salary.
"I feel like this is going to be the best opportunity to win, and not just this season, but in multiple years."
James said he decided to become just the third reigning MVP to switch teams on Thursday morning, following a positive conversation with his mother.
"She thought it was a great move," he relayed. "When I heard that from my mother it was the relief that I needed from this process...[she told me] 'You have to do what's best for you and what makes you happy, because no one has to live with it but you.'"
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Cleveland fans may disagree. They may also light Cleveland on fire.
However elated Heat fans are right now -- and that's a considerable amount of elation -- Cavs fans are feeling the inverse. James grew up in nearby Akron, and having spent seven years with the Cavs, his defection is now certainly the darkest moment in Cleveland's admirably horrible sports history.
"I didn't want to make an emotional decision," LeBron explained as ESPN showed images of Clevelanders burning his jersey in a "LeBronfire. "...I never wanted to leave Cleveland, and my heart will always be around that area.”
And then, more than a little ridiculously: "If Cleveland got rid of me, would my family burn down the organization? No."
But never mind that -- the most talented player in the NBA is now joining our own MV3 and shiny new toy Chris Bosh, capping an incredible 30 hours for Riley and the Heat, and the run is just beginning.
How will the finances work? Can two legitimate superstars and one other max player play well together? Will Erik Spoelstra last the season? Can a team score 500 points a game? Will we burst from so much winning?
We're about to find out, and it's going to be so, so fun.
