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"Zooming...zooming...She's turning away! New angle!" Dolphins Media Vision may cause objects to appear closer than they are.
Dolphins Cheerleaders, get ready for your closeups. No, more ready. Yes, like a tiger! Rrawrr!
Franchise owner Steven Ross continued his quest for
global lady ogling domination selling tickets today, announcing the arrival of 5,000 handheld wireless devices designed to give fans an unprecedented in-game multimedia experience. The Kangaroo Gen III, a slimmer version of the portable TVs introduced to the NFL a few years ago, has a 4.3-inch high-definition screen that will provide instant replays, field level audio, fantasy team alerts, feeds of other games, and the ability to order food and drinks from the concession stands.
Not only will fans not have to undergo the excruciating strain of raising their eyes to the jumbo trons, but they won't even have to leave their seats.
The best part? Users of the device, mercifully called "Dolphins Mobile Vision" and not "Margaritaville Electric Goggles" or "EyeBurgers in Paradise," will have 11 customizable camera angles at their disposal, including... a cheerleader cam.
I'll give you guys a moment.
Okay, now that you've recovered, you're ready to live the high life in the nosebleeds, where these things could really come in handy.
Not so fast: Dolphins Mobile Vision (we hereby christen thee "DMV") is only available for the posh folks holding premium tickets in the club and suite level.
Of course, now that we think about the horror of everyone around us constantly saying, "How do you turn this on? I can't hear! What does this button do? I NEED TECH SUPPORT!," maybe it won't be so bad to watch games the old-fashioned way, either.
And by "watch games the old-fashioned way," we clearly mean "bring binoculars so we can ogle the cheerleaders as usual."