Forget a team that, you know, makes the playoffs more than once a decade. At this point, we'd settle for the Marlins simply providing us with a cat pretending to DJ on the jumbotron.

Unfortunately, the latest stroke of genius that MLB doesn't allow anyone to imbed has come straight from the bowels of our in-state rivals the Rays, who not only top their division but ACTUALLY HAVE A CAT PRETENDING TO DJ ON THE JUMBOTRON (click to see your Friday productivity go flying out the window).

A cat "scratching" The Movement's single "Jump" is everything we never knew we always wanted, though we might've guessed thanks to our love of Keyboard Cat, LOLCats, and cat herding. DJ Kitty was probably inevitable, but that doesn't make him any less glorious.

As for us, we're stuck with vuvuzelas and fat men. Delightful in their own ways, of course, but certainly not the culmination of the decade's greatest Internet memes. At this rate, as the Marlins continue to limp along in life, the best we can hope for is that cats will eventually take over an empty Sun Life Stadium, elect a king, and have that king challenge Jeffrey Loria to a duel.

We already know who to get for the afterparty.

Janie Campbell is a Florida native who believes in the pro-set and ballpark hot dogs. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the internet.