Forbes Misfires at Panthers Fans

If you ask us, Florida Panthers fans embody only America's noblest qualities: perserverance, dedication, unflagging enthusiasm, hope in the face of horrible tragedy, and the ever-surprising presence of cowboy hats in relatively urban areas.

In fact, considering the Panthers haven't been to the playoffs since, oh, 480 B.C., Panthers fans ought to be automatically named the proudest and most hardcore just by acknowledging the team still exists.

But according to that stinker Forbes, such qualities count for squat. The suits have taken a look at silly things like numbers and hard facts and raw data and ranked us 30th -- that is, dead last -- among the NHL's franchises.

Despite finishing last season with their second best record ever (41-30-11), the Panthers failed to qualify for the playoffs for the fourth straight year since the lockout. Fans didn't settle for mediocrity. The team had the worst TV ratings and second worst attendance in the league last year.

Unfair, we cry! Not only just because the existence of franchises in Boston and Philly automatically means Cats fans can't be any "worse" than third-to-last in any ranking we'd make, but Forbes isn't taking a look at our intangibles.

(By intangibles, of course we mean "that lady who took her top off and smushed her tangibles on the glass." That's right, full frontal in the front row and still ranked the lowest. What gives? Also, there's that superfan/Panther Patroler/heroic seamstress who made the Panthers look better than the Panthers could. And the guy who does his best Jennifer Beales in the stands.)

It's like this: while the previous Panthers ownership all but ran the team into the ground through horrible decision-making, nearly made Sunrise itself unbearable through scones -- a truly notable achievement, because scones are delish -- and gave practically nothing in return, it's what Litterbox Cats calls "the dedicated several thousand" who show up anyway and follow the team in spite of itself.