Men's Health Calls Miami Sports Fans Terminally Ill

Miami sports fans rank dead last for enthusiasm about the hometown teams

There aren't many things Anchorage, Alaska will beat out Miami in aside from most school snow days. But apparently, sports fanaticism is one of those rare occasions where Miamians stand a snowballs chance in hell against their Alaskan rivals.

A new Men's Health Magazine poll ranks Miami fans No. 100 (as in dead last) for sports enthusiasm among major cities in America. And yes, Anchorage, which ranks No. 10 somehow, is considered a major U.S. city. Those bobsled and seal racing fans can get buck wild, we hear.

But back to Miamians. Where is the enthusiasm? Of the seven categories rated by Men's Health, Miami fans ranked at the very bottom in all the major sports (basketball, football, baseball and NASCAR) and near the bottom in team apparel (97) and some category called ESPN (98). It's not our fault SportsCenter comes on around the same time the bars on Brickell offer two-for-one drink specials.

Arlington topped the charts with the most rabid fans and Jacksonville (the city with one professional sports franchise) ranks No. 6 overall. To be fair, there's not much else to do in Jacksonville besides go to a Jaguars game or talk about the team in the off season.

Surprisingly, Miami fans rank 30th in season ticket holders, which would come as a shock to Marlins, Heat and Dolphins executives or anyone who has been to a home game of any of those franchises recently. Perhaps they were counting the number of empty seats and not the handfull of warm bodies who cheer until they're hoarse.

Nevermind the fact that most fans wear the colors of the opposing team to Marlins home games or that you are more likely to see a Shaq Suns jersey instead of a Heat jersey at AmericanAirlines, at heart Miamians are true blue homers.

Sure, most Miamians see the Miami Heat's "Black Out" and "White Hot" games as a chance to show off the latest fashions for the spring, but that doesn't mean they don't give a hoot.

Miamians should demand a recount or at least ask for an asterisk to the poll that explains why the fanaticism isn't always at a fever pitch.

It's just that over-sized foam fingers and Dolphins face paint don't go that well with Dolce and Gabbana shades.

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