Wide Receiver Rumors Pretty Fishy

Plaxico Burress? Over some dead front office bodies. Anquan Boldin? Probably not.

Ah, spring.  That magical time of year when a football fan's heart turns to roster roulette, and even players go nuts exploring the most ridiculous scenarios.

Stop the madness!  Sure, the Dolphins could use a real playmaker at wide receiver while they wait for Ted Ginn, Jr. to ripen, but it's more likely Michael Irvin himself suits up than some of the ballers travelling the Miami grapevine these days.

Let's start with the most unlikely: Plaxico Burress.  The former Giants wide receiver, who, we'll note, is "former" because HE SHOT HIMSELF IN THE LEG IN A CLUB and is awaiting his court case, is out and about in SoFla where he has a home and a lengthy rap sheet at the Broward County DMV.  And he's telling everyone he'd like to be a Dolphin. (Hey, it worked for Jason Taylor; who can blame him?)

Nice try, Plax. If one was to look in the dictionary for exactly the type of player Bill Parcells and Tony Sparano want, Burress would be listed under "antonyms."  He's fragile, aging, and hates practice. He's decidedly not punctual, possibly a domestic pugilist, owner of a declining yards per catch average, and just might end up in jail for 3 1/2 years -- or will at best miss the start of the season. The Dolphins aren't nearly desperate enough for that baggage (Tampa Bay, Drew?).

Also a long shot: Anquan Boldin.  Boldin is decidedly more attractive than Burress, if only on account of he's desirous and apparently not stupid enough to hide a gun in his sweatpants and head into a crowded club.  He's probably not even stupid enough to wear sweatpants into a club in the first place.  But he does have one major strike against him: he's still under contract to Arizona.

The Dolphins likely took a look at Boldin before the draft, when buying him out was rumored to cost a first-round draft pick -- and that wasn't going to happen with the needs Parcells had to fill.

Now Boldin, a Pahokee native who'd be "grateful" to bring his career back home, has fired agent Drew Rosenhaus and proponents of a Miami move see this as a sign he might waver on his contract demands.

Not so fast. It's probable that Boldin's season-long tantrum over playing second financial fiddle to Larry Fitzgerald is a bit of a turn-off for Dolphins brass. And Quan will still be looking for a marquee contract, at 29.  That's not old, but the Fins are thinking long-term -- and if we learned anything from the Jason Taylor saga, it's that Parcells isn't afraid to forge ahead without aging superstars and their egos. 

It's likely Miami opens the season with Ginn the go-to guy and a few rookies waiting in the wings.  Boring?  A little.  Would it kill Parcells to veer off the plan and give us a lil' excitement?  Actually, it might. 

But thank him next time you're in the club without a hole in your sweats.

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