Bananas: they sport no fat or cholesterol; come in their own biodegradable wrapper; populate the dreams of your digestive system; and show up at Heat games to dance like abandonment's own desire.
And boy, does one want Dwyane Wade to re-sign with Miami.
The Heat's very own Banana Man, that enthusiastic boogieing fruit you see in the stands at American Airlines Arena, may have just won the game of life: YouTube free agency division. He joined the team's We Want Wade campaign with a sweet, shiny, happy-making video tribute to MV3, ice cream, clouds, and friendship -- not to mention the deeper familial bonds that accompany matching argyle sweaters.
In other words, this has all the things that ought to convince any free agent to head straight for Pat Riley's office when the clock strikes midnight July first. This is what We Want Wade was born to host. And if watching a Heat devotee in a banana suit run about Miami generally molesting a cardboard cutout of Dwyane Wade to the cheerful wail of Freddie Mercury doesn't make you smile, you have no soul.
Yep, that's the 305 for you, and we humbly beg Amar'e and Bosh to let us know when a tropical fruit films them a tribute.
Over 1,300 Tweets, 5,900 e-mails messages, 7,000 video views, and 400 voicemails have poured into the desperation receptacle that is wewantwade.com since it launched May 13 -- prompting Our Hero to take time out of his busy summer legal schedule to debate the placement of punctuation in a Facebook thank-you to fans.
(If you'd ever like to stare into the abyss of recursive infinity, go watch a video of Dwyane Wade posting to Facebook on Dwyane Wade's Facebook. Dizzying.)
Fortunately, Banana Man's vid is so perfect, we've probably got Wade wrapped up and can now turn our attention to getting the poor man some help -- and trying to get "Oooooooh, you make me live!" out of our heads.