The last time Niteside caught up with Ernesto Reyes, the 21st century party monster and his partner Ericka Fickling were gaming everybody at Lords. Now that their esteemed Veni Vidi Vici stopped doing weeklies and started concentrating on large-scale one-of-a-kinds, it's no longer as easy to regularly fall prey to his charms. Thank Zeus for birthdays, because that means blowout no matter what your objective. In Reyes' case though, blowout is just where the party begins. Find out for yourself this Friday night at Chalk.
How many candles will you be blowing out this Friday night? Ummm... 21. Isn't it always 21 candles?
Indeed. Who will be helping you blow them all out? Right now, it's just the usual. Madonna called; she's coming. So is Ray Charles. Since one let her U.S. drivers license lapse and the other is blind, Lindsay Lohan offered to be the designated driver.
Wow! Anyone else? Well, Rebecca Black said she's coming too. In fact, when she found out my birthday fell on a Friday, she insisted. In her honor, Stephen Colbert and I are gonna sing that little song she does. Stephen didn't think the version he did on Jimmy Fallon was as funny as it should've been.
What kinda extra-curriculars do you have planned?8MTS is doin' a photo booth, Erika will be offering one dollar motor boats, and Helen Hunt will be leading everyone in a giant game of Twister. There also will be bombed blondeshells, ex-con clowns, and a score of recently retrofitted go-go boys. I can't wait to see what the doctor ordered for them!
Who's gonna be spinning amid all this madness? We originally wanted to get Hervé Jean-Pierre Villechaize, but then we remembered he died back in '93. So instead we're settling for Skrillex, who agreed to DJ in front of a banner that reads "Tattoo is Dead!" This way we won't forget again.
Anything else we need to know about this throwdown before you go? Yes, if you weren't invited, please don't bother coming. I already have far too many friends, acquaintances and hangers-on; I don't need any more. But if you simply must attend (I know, I know), then bring me the biggest most expensive birthday present you can manage. I do a lotta re-gifting, and I've got a reputation to keep!
Ernesto Reyes' 21st Birthday Blowout goes down Friday, January 27, 10pm at Chalk. Those who need more information, probably shouldn't bother.