The Panthers have long been the carnie in the china shop of South Florida sports: they have won nothing, been owned by no one, traveled blithely through a mis-spent youth, and offered promos that would embarass everyone but Spirit Air.
When the team announced they'd be tarping whole sections of seats in order to reduce capacity and improve the atmosphere at the BankAtlantic Center, we wholeheartedly approved -- and that felt good. It was a mature decision. The right step. There was no snickering, no punchline, no patronizing, no scones from Oz.
And now, in true Panthers style, it has turned hilarious: the empty swaths of seats, so unfilled, so unwanted, so not a party, will be sponsored by Party City -- a chain of stores offering everything you need for the good times South Florida clearly isn't having in the empty seats beneath their logo.
According to the Alanis Morrisette Dictionary, the Florida Panthers have just christened BankAtlantic as the new hellmouth of hipster irony in sports.
(Before, it was Craig Sager's closet. Speaking of carnies.)
This is like Viagra sponsoring a junior high boys' chess tournament. Like Runner's World buying naming rights to a wheelchair basketball tournement. Like the Panther's very existence: confusing, and rather unsensical, but a happy coincidence on a boring Wednesday night.
After all, the Panthers could use the money. And if their soiree-by-capacity-reduction plan doesn't pan out, perhaps Party City will donate piñatas for the upper decks: should semi-bored South Florida hockey fans be armed with bats and sticks, we would totally purchase tickets.
Sports
According to the Panthers, their plan is working. They say they're nearing the sale of more than 10,000 season tickets, the most in three years. Each game may not be a Party City party, but it sounds like the Cats have the makings of at least a gathering -- and that's improvement, even if it comes with plastic forks and streamers.
Janie Campbell is a Florida native who believes in the pro-set and ballpark hot dogs. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the internet.
