In 2008, Jason Taylor couldn't wait to run right out of town. Now that he's back and seeing what he was missing off in Washington, he's ready to hurl his body through a wall.
''I don't think I've ever been in a situation where it's been this seamless,'' Taylor told the Miami Herald while attending Zo's Summer Groove. "Obviously, [Bill] Parcells and [Jeff] Ireland and their front office is a big step up from what was here in the past.
"I know I haven't played a game for them yet, but I'm ready to run through a brick wall for them.''
Well. No aging Dolphins fan will need Viagra today. That sort of statement from a respected veteran is exactly what fan dreams are made of, even if nearly any regime would look good next to those that hired Dave Wannstedt and Nick Saban. (Also, seams are gross. Everyone knows that.)
Unfortunately for Taylor, he's been beaten to the punch. Former Dolphin Reagan Mauia actually did run through a wall -- albeit not a brick one -- back in 2007.
So what's left for Taylor? A man needs to express himself. How about an interpretive dance, dedicated to the Big Tuna? A self-painted portrait of
Tuna Helper Ireland, hung in his foyer? Perhaps a song, aided by fellow Dolphins? If Taylor's determined to run through something, might we suggest brick mansion Paul Soliai, who's on the verge of being too fat to make the team this year?
However Taylor wants to express his appreciation for the front office staff -- he'll probably just send an affectionate text -- he might best show it by playing like his old self did for other, seamier front offices.
That would please everyone.
Janie Campbell would run through a brick wall for a ballpark hotdog. Her work has appeared in irreverent sports sites around the Internet.