Resolutions for the Next Decade of Miami Sports

How 'bout we just start winning?

Ah, New Year's: that time of year to sit back, reflect, and think about how much weight other people need to lose.

This year it coincides with the end of a decade, something that prompts more serious thought in spite of the fact that we can't wait to leave it behind (any decade that awards Eric Crouch a Heisman over Ken Dorsey...good riddance).

The Dolphins would kick off a season and a decade without Dan Marino, a void they're still trying to fill 10 years later. The Marlins and Panthers would complete their first whole decade each, and, well, they're still here, so that's nice. The Hurricanes would cycle up into the heavens and down into the abyss, because moderate swings are for boring programs. The Fusion made it one year into the 00s and evaporated, while the Heat turned 21 and Rony Seikaly became some sort of global raver DJ.

And on that note, why look back -- resolutions are for the future, and clearly our favorite franchises need some basic goals.

The Dolphins? To be a better option on Sundays than actual dolphins playing football. To draft and develop a young quarterback instead of trying out 485 old retreads again (if not Chad Henne, the next option.) To keep Avril Lavigne from owning a piece, and not just because "Canadian" isn't a minority.

The Marlins need to convince Jeffrey Loria to test out the "new invisible batting helmet," lest history repeat itself.

The Panthers should concentrate on not whacking themselves in the face, making the playoffs (we don't ask for much, seriously), and
to live like they're dying, because they kind of are.

The Heat obviously need to retain Dwyane Wade, because it sets up at least the first half of the decade on the hardwood. While they're at it, here's easier goals: see Eric Spoelstra sprout a body hair, and pioneer equality by putting Heat Dancer outfits on the Golden Oldies.

Okay, maybe not.

And fans: your resolution is to keep showing up. There's not much there now, of course, but who knows what a decade can bring? With any luck, Pat Riley dancing, a Marlins World Series, and a Super Bowl to lose, just like the good old days.

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